my pursuit of faith, hope and love...

unwrapping

2010-05-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past year it’s that life isn’t always wrapped up nice and neat with a pretty bow on top. In fact, I’d say the majority of the time there are rips in the paper, the tape has come undone and the bow is missing altogether. The thing I’m constantly trying to remind myself is that just because the wrappings are falling apart doesn’t mean the package inside has become any less valuable. And, if I’m being honest, my vain attempts to keep the package looking pristine on the outside are nothing more than my need to control how life is going and how others perceive me. I know I’ve made great strides in the last year with letting go of perfectionism and the need to control everything, but there is still more to let go of. I want to roll with the punches, see where the wind blows me and not freak out if things don’t turn out how I
planned…or if they do. I want to embrace the rips in the paper, the ungluing of the tape and absence of the bow, because it’s always been in those times that I’ve found out how beautiful life really is. Through the pain and trials of life we grow stronger in faith and perseverance and love. We find out who our Maker made us to be. We find another layer of paper even more stunning than the one we’ve been trying to show off. I’m ready to see the next layer…are you? Happy unwrapping.

"A Character is what he DOES." -Donald Miller

2010-02-02T15:02:00.000-08:00

Ok. I’m here. I showed up to the page. I didn’t want to, but I did…if you know what I mean. For months the same things have been swimming around in my head, but I’ve refused to let them out and onto the page. You see, something happens when you let a thought leave the recesses of your brain and it shows up on paper or a computer screen. It’s out there. You can’t take it back. It’s gone from a place you kept tucked away in your subconscious, and when that happens it makes it hard to ignore…and if you can’t ignore it, then you have to deal with it. And, as we all know “dealing with things” is usually never a pleasant experience-not in the middle anyway. Dealing with things means pain…loads and loads and loads of pain, and admission of guilt, cowardice, fear, and a gamut of other emotions. Dealing with things requires action, and action requires belief and faith. Action is usually where I stop. I stop because I’m afraid of what life will look like when it’s not neatly wrapped up in the paper and bows I’m used to…when the traces of the “control” I think I have are gone and I’m trusting Someone else. It’s like this image I keep seeing in my head of me sitting on top of a suitcase-the zippers are undone and all these beautiful unknown contents are beginning to creep out. Instead of opening it I keep bouncing around and using all my might to try and keep it closed. I keep asking myself “Why would I want to do that? Why am I so afraid of the treasures that lay hidden inside of it?” I think it’s a combination of things…fear of the unknown, obviously, but sometimes I think fear of success. Success brings expectations not only from yourself, but from other people, and now you have something to lose. I also think I try and keep the suitcase closed because opening it up would mean letting go of the pain from my past and choosing something new, choosing to be happy. Pain definitely serves a purpose and is not always bad, but it can be when we choose to identify ourselves as our pain instead of it being a mere ‘part’ of us…we let it become our definer, which is wrong. God is the only definer of who I am and who you are. And, truthfully, sometimes it feels easier to play the victim and sit in our pain than to work through it and have to take action toward healing and a new life. I think we have to realize that walking forward and becoming whole and being healed doesn’t negate your pain, your past, or what you’ve been through. On the contrary, it is the foundation God uses to build us back up and weave His character into us so we know the hope we have and who that hope comes from. Every breath is a second chance for redemption, and honestly I’m sick of wasting it trying to wait for the right time and perfect conditions and blah blah blah. The truth is that this side of heaven we’ll never be perfect-it’s just not going to happen, BUT that doesn’t mean it’s ok to settle for mediocrity. The dictionary defines mediocre as “only ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad; barely adequate.” These are not the words I want describing my life, but these are the words I’ve been settling for, and I’m done.

I’m done playing it safe. I was meant for a life of adventure, full of great scenes and full of people and places I love. Somewhere along the way I swallowed a bunch of lies that led me to believe something different, but I’m purging those out of my system now. I’m choosing life, and life abundantly-that’s what Jesus said He wants to give me so I would be a fool not to choose it. That doesn’t mean life will be easy or that there won’t be suffering or pain, but there will be life… and a story worth telling.

I won’t lie. I don’t know what it looks like other than moving one foot in front of the other…forward motion-one step at a time. As they saying goes “the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Of course, the problem with that for a recovering perfectionist is that I want to begin with 500 steps all at once…but I only have two feet, and so do you. We need to remember to give ourselves grace and stop running and hiding when things don’t go perfectly or we don’t know what to do. There are many mountains to be moved in our daily lives and in the world around us, but I truly believe that if we adjust our minds and are present in our lives and allow God to work, He will. For me, it also means not running and hiding at the first sign of trouble or tension in my life. This will be new for me, and hard I’m sure, but I will still choose life because it’s worth it. As Switchfoot says,

“Do you love me enough to let me go?

To let me follow through, to let me fall for you, my love?

Do you love me enough to let me go?”

I haven’t been able to let go until now because I didn’t love myself enough or believe I was worth it, but now I know I am…and when you really know that you can’t go back-you just can’t.

So, I will show up to the page of my life and write scenes everyday. Some days I’ll be on fire and some days I’ll be a mess, but I’ll still be here, still fighting-because the world needs my story…and in case I haven’t made it abundantly clear- it needs yours too.

Let’s start writing.

“People get stuck, thinking they are one kind of person, but they aren’t.”

–Don Miller “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years”

“But it’s like I said before, about writers not really wanting write. We have to force ourselves to create these scenes. We have to get up off the couch and turn the television off, we have to blow up the inner-tubes and head to the river. We have to write the poem and deliver it in person. We have to pull the car off the road and hike to the top of the hill. We have to put on our suits, we have to dance at weddings. We have to make altars.” –Don Miller “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years”

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.

– Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life)

Little Affairs of the Heart...

2009-07-21T00:07:00.001-07:00

The past week has been really tough. I've let my mind go places I hadn't visited in quite some time. It started out with a few doubts and quickly escalated into a whirlwind and frenzy that I seemingly had no control over (a lie I fall for often).

I took control of my heart back (thought I'm realizing I've never fully handed it over-ever)...I've been self-medicating with music, movies, food and books-anything to give my heart a little jolt of what it feels like it's missing. The high is only temporary and soon after I need another "hit" to make things bearable. I've always known this to be unhealthy (escapism), but wasn't sure how else to cope with the pain. I was reading Captivating last night (I think this is the 3rd time...) and was knocked on my butt my something I'd heard before, but never really got. When I use these various things to "feed" the longings of my heart, I'm essentially telling God He can't fix it, He's holding out on me and that His love just isn't enough-I've got to take things into my own hands. And, ironically enough, all these things do is further divorce me from my heart and numb me out. Instead I should be dealing with the real heartache and turning to God. Ouch. Did you hear that? I just got smacked upside the head with a 2x4. But, seriously...this hit me so hard because that's what I've done pretty much my whole life..."numbing out" is an extreme addiction-I dare say as potent as any other addiction and maybe more so because it seems harmless at the time. Now, let me be clear-I'm not saying movies, music, books, food, etc. are bad, but what I am saying is that using them to try and fill a longing or heartache is. There are plenty of things to learn and enjoy from all of these things, but they aren't meant to replace your relationship with God, but sadly it happens-I'm a prime example.
Quitting is going to be tough, very tough. This quote from Captivating continues to tug at my heartstrings...

“The ways we find to numb our aches, our longings, and our pain are not benign. They are malignant. They entangle themselves in our souls like a cancer and, once attached, become addictions that are both cruel and relentless. Though we seek them out for a little relief from the sorrows of life, addictions turn on us and imprison us in chains that separate us form the heart of God and others as well. It is a lonely prison of our own making, each chain forged in the fire of our indulgent choice. Yet, “Our lovers have so intertwined themselves with our identity that to give them up feels like personal death…We wonder if it is possible to live without them (The Sacred Romance).” -John & Stasi Eldredge

A personal death. Awesome. But, I have to do it if I have any hope at recovering my heart and having an open and honest relationship with God, my family, friends and my future husband. And, I've got to stop hiding...got to.

“Like Eve after she tasted the forbidden fruit, we women hide. We hide behind our makeup. We hide behind our humor. We hide with angry silences and punishing withdrawals. We hide our truest selves and offer only what we believe is wanted, what is safe. We act in self-protective ways and refuse to offer what we truly see, believe, and know. We will not risk rejection or looking like a fool. We have spoken in the past and been met with blank stares and mocking guffaws. We will not do it again. We hide because we are afraid. We have been wounded and wounded deeply. People have sinned against us and we have sinned as well. To hide means to remain safe, or hurt less. At least that is what we think. And so by hiding, we take matters into our own hands. We don’t return to our God with our broken and desperate hearts. And it has never occurred to us that in all our hiding, something precious is also lost—something the world needs from us so very, very much.” -Stasi Eldredge, Captivating

I can't even imagine what it will be like to live without these "little affairs of the heart." It's probably going to hurt...a lot...and get worse before it gets better, but I will rejoice because I know that suffering produces endurance, character and hope...all three of which I desperately need. Living this way requires total trust and faith in God-allowing every fiber of my heart to be searched and vulnerable. That idea literally makes my stomach turn flips...but I guess that's what love is-you allow someone full access to your heart knowing they may break it, but counting the cost too high not to let them in. That isn't to say that I think God will break my heart or hurt me, but being that open with Him will inevitably bring up things that I would rather leave hidden in the dark.

So, I guess the question remains-how am I going to do this after so many years of numbing myself-almost always on autopilot? Well, first I've got to relinquish control and trust Him. And, second (this one is gonna hurt) is to not check my heart and brain at the door. I've got to ask myself as I go throughout my day, 'Am I doing this because it is beneficial/I actually like it/I want to be entertained/learn,etc. or 'Am I just trying to distract myself or mask some pain in my heart?' This means I've got to become comfortable with silence and still fingers again. Sometimes just stopping to sit still and just listen teaches the greatest lessons we can learn. Lastly, it also means that I have to respect and take better care of myself. I can sit all my baggage down-leave it on the porch and walk through door and see what's on the other side. If I want to move forward-to have the life I've dreamed of and be all that God intended for me to be then I've got to reconnect with my whole heart and not just the pieces I deem 'acceptable'. Jesus died for all of me-not bits and pieces. It's going to hurt like hell, and before it's over I'll probably be begging for 'When Harry Met Sally' and a piece of cake (with extra frosting!), but bear with me-the labor pains will inevitably cease, giving way to my newly stitched up heart.

PS-Please feel free to hold me accountable to this-that's part of the reason I'm sharing it with you!
Found this on etsy.com a while back-wish I could remember whose it is-sorry! If it's yours let me know so I can give you credit!!

The Morning After...

2009-06-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

I’ve been bracing for it the past few days…knowing that just like every other time, it would knock me on my ass and leave me wondering if I’m making the right choices. It usually starts when I get to the airport and quietly nags at my mind during the five hour flight back to LA. I try to distract it by watching movies and reading--just push it into a corner to pull back out later when it can no longer be avoided. I get to my apartment and can usually numb out some more-go through mail, unpack, and let the inevitable jetlag overtake me. But when my eyes open eightish hours later, I quickly feel the surge of ‘the morning after’ and just want to curl up in a ball and go back to sleep and avoid reality.

The thing is, every time I go home I feel flooded by a paradox of emotions that continue to play with my mind on and off throughout my trip. I start out strong-having just come from my life in LA-full of hopes and dreams and plans for the future and then my minds switches to doubt and questions if the cost of my dreams is worth being apart from my family, friends, and the place I love? I always come to the same conclusion…yes!! Not because I value my dreams more than I value my family, friends and home, but because I know it’s what God has called me to and I know they love me and want me to be happy, regardless of what location that brings me to. So, does that make it any easier? Maybe a little, but I still struggle with the choices I’m making. In some ways things seem simpler to an extent-after I realized that I needed to stop trying please everyone and just please God and be true to who He made me to be. This is easier said than done of course. I often feel lonely in the path I’m on-how do you explain to people the passion you have inside for things they have no passion for? How do you make them understand that there is no “plan b”-this is it and you just know that God has something big up His sleeve for you to do? I guess when it comes down to it that isn’t my responsibility and I don’t need to worry about it. I just have to be obedient and do what I know is right for me.

Even having said all that, I fully expect to be in a sort of homesick funk for the next few days to a week. I’ll continue to question my reasons for being here…evaluate if I’m really happy and if this life in LA is what I really want, etc. I’ll poke and prod around my mind and heart, and once again (like every time in the past) I’ll know I’m in the right place doing the right things. That doesn’t mean the pain of missing my family goes away or that I am okay with missing milestones in their lives, or even everyday stories in my friends’ lives. It hurts to know I’m missing out in these ways, but I have to have faith that something bigger is at work and there is a purpose to all of this. It’s strange to drive through your hometown and see how much has changed since your last visit just six months ago. On the flip side, it is so encouraging to know that in a lot of ways, I am a different person than the one who left there almost two years ago. And, even though I have no idea what’s next and I barely have a penny to my name- I can honestly say this is the most I’ve ever felt like myself, and not been afraid to express myself to the world. Figuring out and growing into the woman God created me to be has been such an amazing journey-full of ups and downs. And, even though there are problems and issues to be dealt with I feel truly at peace knowing that I am loved and will be taken care of. I am so thankful that even though there were times that I turned away from God and didn’t listen to Him-He never stopped seeking after me. It was His refusal to let go that has me sitting here and writing this.

So, where does that leave me? Well, I guess all this just means I’m normal-I have doubts and fears like everyone else. The path I’m on isn’t the easiest, but it certainly isn’t the hardest when you think about so many less fortunate in the world. I feel like there is so much I want to say, and for whatever reason can’t seem to get a coherent though together tonight, so I’ll end with this…I love my family, friends and South Carolina deeply. I love my life and friends in Los Angeles deeply. These two do not have to be mutually exclusive…just because I live here doesn’t mean I love my family or friends any less…they are my home and the people who have helped shape me into the person I am. So, I’ll carry that with me here in LA and look forward to those times I do get to spend with them, and then when I’m here stay focused on the journey God has for me and not let doubt cloud my vision.

I’m not sure if any of that even made sense…if it didn’t blame the jetlag! Goodnight!

Edisto Island, SC

painting...not by numbers (my first "artist date")

2009-04-19T22:25:00.000-07:00

Hello, blogosphere.

Felt like I needed to share this...here is another excerpt from my journal this week.

Note: The "artist date" is a tool used in the book "The Artist's Way" to spend time alone weekly doing something "creative" so as to open yourself to insight, inspiration, and guidance.

April 14, 2009

Ah...so, I had my first artist date yesterday. It was a lot of fun-so freeing and cathartic. On Saturday I bought a bunch of paint, brushes and a big blank canvas. No one was more surprised than me when I actually sat down yesterday and painted it! It was a rich palette of deep purple, burnt orange, hot pink, shimmery teal, golden yellow and chartreuse. Loved it.

I went abstract. I used many different kinds of brushes and styles (even used my hands at one point). I layered color upon color and texture upon texture and shape upon shape. At the end, the prominent shapes were swirly circles, but I knew there was so much more underneath. I knew how it was put together because I created it. The naked eye couldn't ascertain these beautiful nuances, but I can because it is my creation.

Wow. What a lesson I just learned from the Lord in this moment.

I am the beautiful painting...colorful, complicated, textured, connected, etc. The world only sees the surface color and shape, but He sees all the way through to the layers he used to form the painting that is me. It's such a beautiful thought. I was once a blank canvas and when he created me I became this intricate web of color and texture and shape. He wove my character and personality and beauty into something so complex and rich and capable of so much in His power that I can't even begin to understand. What a great message from the Lord. I am as unique as I always dreamed I was and that's not vain-that is simply truth. Praise Jesus for His truth.

Here are a few pictures from my 'artist date'....

My prayer is that you would let go and let Him love you...let Him show you how precious you are. Let Him reveal the layers He's painted that you don't even know exist yet. I guarantee you won't be sorry you did.

head over heels...just twirling in my skirt!

2009-04-08T23:10:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't written a blog in almost a year, but I feel compelled to share some things that have been going on in my life. A lot of things have been changing for the better, and growth, healing and restoration are happening now. I wanted to wait to "bring back" my blog until I had a pretty new layout with cool widgets and other fun stuff, but the truth is if I keep waiting for that "perfect time" this will never get written and it needs to be said. You may not agree with the things I have to say, and that's ok-I'm just sharing because I have a feeling it may help some of you and because God told me to share. So here you go...a few excerpts from my journal over the past week.

April 4, 2009

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind...an absolutely fabulous, twirl-in-circles 'til your skirt floats, whirlwind. If you're anyone other than me and watched from the outside you may not notice anything extraordinary surface wise-except maybe I've been smiling more, singing to myself and just generally flitting about with joy like that of a girl who's been asked out on a date for the first time. And, in a way, I have. After 28 years on this earth I have finally experienced in my heart the kind of love I've longed for-the love of the Creator, my Creator. For those of you who know me well that may sound shocking considering I've been a Christian for over 15 years. But somewhere in all the hustle and bustle and my constant need to strive for perfectionism and approval I unknowingly allowed my faith to be tied to my righteousness instead of God's grace. As Christians it's so easy to do and in our heads we often overlook the symptoms of this problem because in our heads we know we're saved by grace, but making that faith translate to an experiential heart matter is another story. It's often so much easier to put on a smiling face and pay lip service to the Gospel of Grace, meanwhile numbing our hearts and distancing ourselves from God because we don't measure up. And this is where we fail because we are now participating in religion instead of relationship. My pastor recently preached on this subject and wisely pointed out that religion is self focused-"what can I do?" instead of being in a two way relationship with God who adores you....you!!! I have to say it twice because it is vitally important to our relationship with Jesus. We must freely accept his love and grace of the Gospel and let that faith take deep roots in our heart if we want to have the hope and joy in our lives that He intended. There is NOTHING you can do to make Him love you more or less-He just loves YOU! He died for YOU because He is so very fond of you and me. When you let that truth penetrate your heart your life WILL be forever changed. Like so many I've had this head knowledge for a long, long time, but I never really got it until recently. About 2 months ago I started seeing a Christian counselor to work through issues I have with self-worth, image, trust, intimacy, God's plan for my life, etc., etc. My counselor has been such an encouragement to me and has such an amazing heart and ministry for seeing people be healed and restored into the people God intended them to be. I bring this up because I'm sick of lies and hiding. It benefits no one to pretend they have it all together when secretly they are hanging on by a thread. Trust and transparency are necessary if we want to be healed and restored by Jesus. If you don't unclench your fist from around your heart He won't have the opportunity to heal it from the inside out. And, rest assured that I can attest-you want to be healed by The Healer. He is only explanation I can offer for the heart transplant I've received. For years I've believed the lies of the world and Satan that I wasn't good enough or lovable because I didn't look a certain way, have a certain personality, fit in with a certain group of people, or have certain talents. I felt like no one really got me. I hid the parts of me with wild, extravagant dreams because I thought they were just that-dreams. Even my family and best friends were kept in the dark of the silent recesses of my heart that cried out for the great adventure God called me to. I knew He had a plan I just couldn't fully believe and receive that He wanted me to go on it with Him. I believed the lies for far too long. I've had enough and I hope you have too. I would love to tell you that making this heart change is quick and easy-like ripping off a band aid, but the truth is that anything worth something is going to cost you. There is no magic sermon, song, or story that is going to heal the broken places in your heart, but God does use those things along the journey of recovering your heart. More to the point-this decision is going to require work-lots and lots of relationship work between us and Him. It means we can't shy away when something painful happens or is brought up-we have to face the emotions head on, surrender them and ask Him to heal us, and He will, believe me! it comes back to what you've probably heard you're whole life if you're a Christian- it's all about relationship and that's the truth. He wants you...just you...the way you are-accepting His grace freely knowing there is nothing you can ever offer Him in return that will even the playing field. You are His beloved and He is yours-the most Sacred Romance. He longs to romance your heart and show you the world through His eyes and how much He loves you. These past two weeks for me have been amazing. I've learned so much from God and in places I probably wouldn't have looked or suspected before. I am an artist at heart (I can't tell you how freeing it is to type that-something I've shied away from declaring for so long-afraid of what people would think-that I'm a phony) so it seems only fitting that He use those avenues to convey His love to me. I hear Him in songs, movies, books, and His beautiful creation all around me. A few months ago when the Twilight (stop groaning and just bare with me) craze started I didn't pay attention and wrote the story off as a silly tween romance that held no interest for me. After the coaxing of some friends I finally bought the book at Target because it was on sale. When I got home I tossed it on the bed side table and didn't think about it again. I'd heard how addicting the books were and I didn't have time for another unhealthy piece of art escapism in my life-thus, the book sat and sat there collecting dust until 2 Sundays ago. I heard that the movie was out on DVD so I figured I would watch it first and then see if I wanted to to invest in a 4 book series (we're talking over 2000 pages here!). I watched the movie and though I admit it has it's flaws, my heart was captured by the story and I fell in love with it and it's characters. It only took me a week to get through all 4 books. I know it isn't for everyone,but that isn't the point-the point is that I found God and huge life lessons in a story about a young girl falling in love with a vampire of all things. It's easy to make assumptions about a story like this if you aren't looking for more than what the surface has to offer, but I was...I always am. I realize as I get older and grow in my faith that no matter how much we may want to try and quantify God or put Him in a box-He simply doesn't belong there and won't fit no matter how hard we try to make Him. This has been my experience with Twilight. It would probably sound ludicrous to the average person to hear me say that God taught me so much about myself, Himself, His love and our human nature through a "secular" vampire/human love story, but it's true all the same. I have connected with this story more than anything in a long time. The biggest lesson I learned was about God's love for me-individually. I've always had a hard time grasping in my heart His love for me as His beloved. Because of human nature I've always associated love with some sort of proverbial price tag-not necessarily that you had to earn it, but that you had to be a certain way to deserve it and receive it-both of which are total lies. The whole point of love (especially God's love) is that it is without condition...it accepts you as you are. Not what you think you should be , but what you are at this moment. He just wants to love you because you're you...not because of anything else attached to you, but just your essence...sigh- so rich and deep-it takes my breath away and makes my heart sing. And, this my friends is why I fell in love with Twilight. Edward is a vampire who has super strength, power, speed, can read minds and is breathtakingly beautiful. He could choose any woman he wants, but he chooses Bella. Bella who is pretty, but not in the most obvious ways. And she's terribly clumsy, introverted, shy, etc. Not who you would picture Edward choosing. But He does choose her because He loves who she is-her essence. She feels unworthy to be chosen by Edward, but accepts Him. To me it was a picture of how God loves me-just as I am-regardless of the superficial. There's more I've learned from this Twilight world, but I already think I've rambled long enough for one night....plus it will keep you wondering what else I've got up my sleeve, right? Just nod your head yes! I'm going to get some rest now, but thanks for reading-it means a lot that you would spend your time listening to my thoughts. And, I promise you can count on many more blogs to come as I'm an aspiring "open book" and a recovering "bottle-upper". I hope that makes sense. ha. Goodnight & Happy Easter!

What the blog are you blogging about, Sonic the Hedgeblog?! (Part Two_

2008-05-26T00:23:00.000-07:00

Sooooo....yeahhh....about that promise to write part 2 of my blog the next day...sorry about that. I've been busy. Really. I have. Please forgive me! When we last left I had just caught you up through March and we were heading into April. Here are the highlights:

April

1. Ashley & Emily came to visit me in LA!!
We had such a great time and I got to show them lots of cool things about LA! Ashley got into town a few days before Emily and I was able to take her to Warner Brothers for a tour of the lot and to The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. I think this was the 3rd time for me at Leno and it did not disappoint. Steve Carrell was the main guest. I just love him to death! Extremely funny, but oh so humble and down to earth. I just want to squeeze him. The second guest was Kathie Lee Gifford. Ugh. She was horrible...snobby, condescending, rude...just a beast. If you didn't see the show-youtube it. Steve was so gracious to her even though she was acting like a jerk- the tension in the studio was insane- you could feel the audience cringing with awkwardness as each word left her mouth. Finally the musical guest was Ani Difranco....she was wonderfully unique as always and helped balance out the crazy Kathie Lee brought into the building. A couple days later Emily got into town and I took her and Ashley around the city doing lots of "touristy" things. First we went to The Getty which is an amazing museum on top of a mountain in LA where you can see the whole city. On a clear, less smoggy day the views are incredible! After that we went to Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills and window shopped and took pictures like crazy. We actually went into Michael Kors to look around and we felt so out of place that we quickly exited after one lap around the store. About that time the sun was getting to us so I took Em & Ash to Jamba Juice which is a California craze. A few smoothies later we were back on the street and wandered over to a park in Beverly Hills to take some pictures. Not long after that we headed to Hollywood to take a walk down the boulevard, take pictures of the Hollywood sign and put our hands in the handprints of celebrities at Grauman's Chinese Theater (check out my Ashley & Emily Visit LA! album for TONS of pictures). I think all three of us have a picture of us seeing if our hands fit in Marilyn Monroe's. Tres cute. After Hollywood we rushed back to my apartment to get ready for dinner and a night on the town. We had dinner at a place in Hollywood called Luna Park which had a really cool atmosphere but an inept (as usual) waitress who appeared to be high or something. Perhaps that would explain why the penne pasta me and Emily got about burnt our tongues off with how spicy it was. Anyway, after dinner we headed to IO West (Improv Olympic Comedy Club) to see Kate Flannery's show The Lampshades. Me and Laura were really excited to see the show again and to take Emily & Ashley. Strangely enough during the part of the show where the call on people in the audience Emily was picked out by Scot Robinson (Kate's partner in the show) to answer some questions. It was really funny and I loved that Emily had a great story to tell. If you are ever in LA and The Lampshades are playing you should definitely go check it out- it is a riot!! After the show it was still early so we headed to a club called Play for my friend Ginny's birthday party. The club was really fun and there were a lot of people there. Unfortunately Emily's jet lag was catching up with her and she started to get really tired. We had a few drinks and then decided to take the party back to the apartment and call it a night. We had to drop Ashley off at the airport early the next morning and decided after that we would head to Malibu and hang out on the beach. It is gorgeous up there....I want a house there someday. The next day me and Emily were supposed to go to a taping of Deal or No Deal but after we got there and waited forever they told us it was cancelled. Boo NBC. So we decided to head back and eat dinner at a yummy Italian place before we headed back to IO West. That night they were having "The Armando Show" which is basically just an improv show done off suggestions from the audience and then stories told on that subject by the host. The host the night we were there was Kate Flannery (The Office) and also in the cast was Oscar Nunez (The Office) and Ed Helms (The Office). There are tons of other talented cast members as well. The show was hilarious and made me really want to take improv at some point. The idea is just so fun...anything can happen! After the show we snapped a quick picture with Oscar, but Kate and Ed were no where to be found. Sad. The next morning I dropped Emily off at LAX really early and then headed back to the apartment for a day of rest. I was so exhausted. I LOVED having my best friends come visit me, but I had just gotten back from home and being in the wedding (with Ash & Em) when they came out to visit so I hadn't really had any downtime. I am so grateful that they came to see me though! They are the best!!! Here are just a few pics...

At the Getty

Ginny's Bday party @ Play

With Oscar @ IO West

2. Babysitting
To supplement my income I've been babysitting quite a bit. My friend Ashlyn babysits a lot out here and can't always take the jobs and so then she passes them along to me.
One of these jobs turned out to be a total treat because not only were the 2 girls adorable, but it turns out that the Dad is in a band that I love!! I walked in and started talking to Gina (the mom) and I told her I was out here to do music blah blah blah, etc. and she was like "oh, my husband is in a band called The 88." I was like really?! are you kidding me?! I love them! I have them on my ipod! haha. It was great. Her husband is the drummer and very cool. He was so happy that I liked them and had heard of them that he gave me a free cd!
yay! Those of you who don't listen to a lot of indie music may not recognize their name, but you probably know a song or two because they had songs on The OC soundtrack- notably "How Good It Can Be". As Gina put it "this is a only in hollywood story". They have a new cd coming out next month and have signed a record deal with a major label so I'm hoping good things are on the horizon for them. Keep your ears open! I'm babysitting for them again next weekend so maybe I'll get a copy of the new cd before it is released!

3. Meeting Leslie David Baker (Stanley Hudson)
The same night I babysat for the family above I also went to a party for Dan's 31st birthday. Dan is a PA on The Office and I know him through Laura. He is one of the first people we met after moving here and was also the one who invited us to the movie premiere and party where we met Zach Levi for the second time last September. Anyway, I knew that a lot of Dan's friends were people he worked with so I thought that maybe a few would be people from the show would be there and I was right. I walked in the door and look up and Leslie David Baker aka "Stanley Hudson" of The Office walks past me to go sit on the couch. What a trip. He is such a fun guy and has a lot of the same mannerisms and facial expressions as his character. He was so friendly though and a group of us sat around and discussed life in LA and moving here and how things are different and the industry and blah blah for a couple hours. We got to meet a lot of other nice and cool people too (hi Chris & Phillip!) It was a lot of fun....and the cake was great too.

4. Comedy Writing Class
About mid-April me and Laura enrolled in a comedy writing class at IO West. We have both been feeling like we aren't doing enough to stir up our creative juices and learn so we thought this was the perfect opportunity. It has been a lot of fun and stretched us at the same time. We have written funny things and not so funny things, but we have been writing and that is a good start. This class has mostly been sketch comedy based which is totally new for me, but I like it. I just wish I had more time to focus on it. I'm being pulled into too many directions at the moment (I'll explain later). Nonetheless it has been a great learning experience and I'm looking forward to taking the next two levels of the class in the future.

So, that brings us up to May. There are only 2 major things that have happened in May, and each of them deserve their own blog so I will end this one here.
I know I've kinda been out of touch and bad at responding to messages lately so tell me how you guys have been?! What is going on in your world?!
I wish I had a witty anecdote to end with but, I don't sooo I'll just say in the words of infamous Renaldo Lapuz of American Idol....

"I am your brother
Your best friend forever
Singing the songs
The music that you love
Brothers til the end of time
Together or not
You’re always in my heart
You hurt your feelings
And you will rain on mine
I love you brother"

Au revoir mon amis! (don't shoot me if my french is properly conjugated please!)

what the blog are you blogging about, sonic the hedgeblog?! (part one)

2008-04-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello dear readers (if there are any left...yikes *fingers crossed*)! I know it has been 4ish months since I have blogged your ears off about what has been going on in the world of me, but do not fear because like Sister Act 2 I am "back in the habit." I am pledging to you here and now to be a more faithful blogger...I will be the picture of the perfect blogger, with ever catchy blog titles (like that one above that I stole out of Andy Samberg's hilarious parody of Diablo Cody on SNL), amazing pictures and stories of life in LA that you just can't wait to hear.....and if not, then... well you'll just have to grin and bare it, or I will send Lauren from this cycle of "America's Next Top Model" after you ;).

I figured since there have been SO many things that have happened since I last wrote that I would sort of do a monthly recap with highlights of interesting (or not so interesting) things that happened. So, off we go...

January:

January was kind of a rough month. I came back after being at home for 2 weeks fulling expecting to be re-energized and ready to take on the world. Unfortunately, it was quite the opposite. Being with my family, friends and Sadie back at home had been wonderful and coming back to our practically empty, gloomy apartment was just sad. Not to mention that we still didn't really know anyone of have any social life to speak of. And I started back to school which should have been fun but was more stressful than anything (more on that later). Here are the highlights (to the best of my memory) from January...

1. My Aunt Glynis came to visit! It was so nice to have a familiar face in LA!

2. I saw Tiffani Amber Thiessen (aka "Kelly Kapowski") at Chili's while having dinner one night.
And, yes she is TOTALLY as gorgeous in person as you would imagine. I didn't talk to her
because she was having dinner with a group of friends, but from what I could overhear she seemed really nice and genuine. Now if I could only find Zach Morris...

3. Me, Laura, Jenn & Travis had lunch with Bobby Ray Shafer aka Bob Vance, Vance
Refrigeration of "The Office". We met up at the galleria near our apartment and
were treated to a yummy lunch at Cheesecake Factory. Bob entertained us with all kinds of stories and witty anecdotes. It was a really fun time and I was thrilled to meet another
member of "The Office" family!

February:
February started off rough too, but then had many great moments as well. The thing that stands out the most about February was that I decided towards the end of the month that I needed to take a break from school. There were several issues going on that led me to make that decision, but I won't go into them now. Just know that everything is ok, and I'm trying to work through things so that I can move forward in my musical pursuits. I'm not giving up, I'm just processing some things so I can grow and be a stronger person. My favorite moments from February are...

1. My mom and Aunt came to visit me! I cannot tell you how happy I was to have my mom (who is also my best friend) here visiting me. It was nice to finally be able to show her what I had been doing since I moved and let her in on what my life is like here. It was also amazing
because she went above and beyond (as always) and bought me an apartmentsworth (I know it isn't a real word, but I like it, ok?:) ) of furniture. You will be glad to know that The "Bat
Cave" and "Black Hole" are no more!! Here are a few pics...decorating is still a work in
progress and I still haven't taken any of my new bedroom furniture- I need to get on that!

2. I found that a fellow Clemson Tiger alumni/FCA friend, Ashlyn, lives in Sherman Oaks.
Thanks to Justin I was able to hook up with Ashlyn and she invited me to her amazing
Bible study group. She has been very kind in including me and Laura in tons of stuff
and making sure we feel welcome! Not to mention we've got to meet a lot of new people.
Very cool!

3. My old Clemson buddies Justin Tanner and Tavaras Brockman came up to LA one night
(Justin is living in San Diego now and Tavaras came to visit him) to hang out with me, Ashlyn and Samantha. We had dinner at The Grove and then went to Firefly in Studio City to hang out. It was more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

4. I got a part time job as an office assistant for a company called 8 Days Technology.
Basically they service commercial and residential computers and I take care of the office
stuff. It is nice to feel like I'm contributing to something again....even if it is only 12 hours a week. Bonus: we service Jack Nicholson's family....only in Hollywood, my friend. My first day I sent "his people" an invoice. ha. that fact that I typed that just seems ridiculous, doesn't it?!

March:
So, half of March was spent in LA and the other half in Columbia. The most notable thing I remember about March would have to be turning 27. It was like...wow...am I really in my late 20's?! Yikes! I need to get on the ball. It was strange having a birthday 3,000 miles away from home. Like every other "holiday" since I moved it was just strange...no family, no friends from home. And, due to money constraints we couldn't really do anything fabulous, which stunk since we are in the city of endless possibilities when it comes to things like birthdays. oh well, there is always 28....but I can't even think about that now haha. Here are highlights with those numbered points you've come to love while reading this blog...

1. Getting flowers on my birthday! :)

2. Getting to see one of my favorite bands Just Off Turner at Tangier in Los Feliz on St. Patty's Day! They were so great and I loved being able to meet Bryan (the guitarist/lead singer) and talk with him a bit...very cool dude. If you haven't checked out their music go do so
immediately!! It is infectious and will having you singing along in no time.

3. Going home for a week and a half and being able to see my family, friends and my baby Sadie Grace! Once again I cried like a baby while leaving and saying bye to my doggy.

4. Katherine & Keith's wedding! We had such a fun-filled weekend...we started Thursday night and went to a club with a Michael Jackson cover band playing only songs from "Thriller"...it was uh-mazing. We literally danced for like 4 hours. f-u-n my friends. Friday we had the bridal luncheon at which I showed my famous "you're getting married so here is your life in pictures that will make you cry" slideshow. Later that night we had the rehearsal and then the rehearsal dinner which were both super fun (to quote Elle Woods). I can say without a doubt that Katherine and Keither are going to make incredible doctors and one fine married couple.
Keith definitely has my seal of approval (which as you know is integral!). Their wedding was beautiful and once again we danced the night away. You can check out the plethora of pictures (you like that alliteration, don't you?!) in the album "Katherine & Keith's Wedding" (in my myspace albums). Here is one of my favorites....Dr. & Dr. Keith Gettys
I was going to go on to April, BUT it is late and kids I am tired soooo I will say this is the end of part one. I shall write part two tomorrow and get you up to speed on things currently going on.
There are lots of interesting and fun stories from April I assure you. So, until tomorrow I say goodnight! (and don't let the bed bugs bite for heaven's sake!).

oh, there's no place like home for the holidays...

2007-12-20T17:37:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! Just wanted to write a quick blog to say that I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!! I'm leaving LA tonight on a red eye flight so I'll be back home in SC tomorrow morning! Words can hardly express how thrilled I am to be going home to see and spend loads of quality time with my family, friends and of course my dog :)! The past three months have been hard, but good and I've learned a lot and I'm looking forward to learning a lot more!

If you're going to be in Columbia over the next two weeks and want to catch up give me a call!
I've got a new cell number, but you can call my old phone and get the number off the voicemail or just send me a message and I'll get it to you! I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and get to spend tons of time with your family and friends! Don't take it for granted :)! After living far away I'm going to make sure to treasure every moment!

Well, I better get going! Me and Laura are going to go grab some dinner before we head to airport! Take care!

Love,
Brandi

say what you need to say...

2007-12-09T22:20:00.000-08:00

hello, dear readers. yes, it is me...i haven't fallen off the face of the earth contrary to popular belief. i know it has been a month and a half since my last blog and a lot of people have been asking why i haven't been writing. honestly, i've started writing this blog several times over the last 7 weeks but each time after i get past the first sentence or two i just stop. there has been so much going on in my head, but as you will learn if you haven't already figured out- i am an internalizer. sometimes this is a good thing, but most of the time it isn't. most of the time it is used as a defense mechanism to keep myself busy and distracted from what is really going on with me and/or i do it because i don't want to burden other people with my problems. my inner monologue seems to tell me that compared to most people in the world there is nothing wrong with my life and i don't need to complain about it or burden other people with my issues because they have plenty of their own. i have recently come to realize, however, that this is not the right attitude to have. i mean, sure, comparatively speaking my life is amazing, especially when i think about and consider those who live in third world countries or even those in our own country who are less fortunate, BUT the fact that i am blessed with a great life, family and friends doesn't mean that i shouldn't be able to express my thoughts, fears, insecurities, etc. to the world. don't get me wrong i'm not talking about throwing myself a pity party, but what i am saying is that i shouldn't be afraid to speak openly and confront the "issues" i'm dealing with in my life and i shouldn't be afraid to let my family and friends who love me so much be a part of the process. i've realized more and more lately that they WANT to be here for me and are rooting me on in my life's journey... so why not give myself a little break and let them help me out just by listening or offering advice? there is no reason not too so i'm going to start making a concerted effort to be more open with people and stop hiding in myself. i deserve to be heard just like anyone else and i've got to start believing in that and myself more. as you can see, there has been a lot brewing around in my head recently and trying to explain it to everyone always overwhelms me because i'm afraid i won't relay it properly and effectively. this past week i was reading back over some of my journal entries and i think they summed up pretty well what has been going on so i'm going to let you into my head even more...

November 6, 2007
"I've come to the conclusion that if I'm ever going to go anywhere in my life and grow at all I've got to stop hiding in myself and actually face the demons that are plaguing me. I've continued to stuff my emotions deep down in my soul and now they are all starting to catch up with me at once. I honestly thought I was ready for this big change and move, but now I'm starting to wonder if I'm ready now or will ever be ready for something new. I thought I was ready to embrace change but the truth is that I'm frozen in place. Everything I was dealing with back at home has just followed me here. I changed geographic locations but my heart has not moved. It is still unconfident, scared, confused and honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I don't understand why I don't believe in myself or why I'm becoming increasingly aware that I don't like the person staring back at me in the mirror. I feel like there is this whole other side of myself just waiting to come out, but I'm not sure how to let it. I really just want to let go of my inhibitions and feel free to express myself, but something or somethings are stopping me. I think fear is a big factor- fear of failure and looking foolish. I thought I was stronger than this and I feel disappointed in myself. I'm not working like I need to be on my career & I think the reason is that I'm afraid that even if I work really hard I still won't be good enough and I'll have to go home and live a life that doesn't make me fulfilled and happy. In other words I guess I'm delaying the inevitable- the point in time that will come where it will be blazingly clear that I either need to forge ahead with music or call it a day. I fear the later so I just fly under the radar until that moment comes. I'm not happy with this existence though- in fact it drives me flipping mad. I know I need to tone down the perfectionism and just start trying and see what happens- I might be pleasantly surprised if I just TRY.
I feel so overwhelmed too and am not sure where to start- there are a lot of things that need attention in my life and figuring out how to try and balance them and give them all the attention they need. I know I need to change my attitude and be positive about my life. There are SO many amazing opportunities that I've been given & I need to take full advantage of them. I know without a doubt that I'm supposed to be here right now, which is what makes it so hard when things aren't "easy." I guess I'm in the middle of another growing and stretching time where my perseverance will ultimate bring me into the character I am to develop and carry with me throughout life and this crazy business.
I think once I develop a community and friendships here life will also improve. I am lonely and I know Laura must be too- we're each dealing with the same emotions so while we can be there for each other and we understand the other's pain, it is hard for us to encourage each other to push on because we haven't been through this before and don't know what to expect. I am so thankful that she is here though- if I was doing this with a complete stranger and someone not from SC who didn't understand my background and upbringing it would be so much harder.
I pray that we could find a place to plug in and find friends who will nurture and support us through this critical time. I'm also really thankful for this opportunity to work with Willie Wisely. He has been in this business for years and can offer me so much knowledge. This will definitely be an invaluable experience."

November 18, 2007

"Ok, God I'm lost. I'm so lost I don't even know where to begin. I feel like I'm drowning here and I desperately need you to come and save me.
What is wrong with me? Why don't I have faith in myself and in you that I'm on the right path? Why do I insist on believing that I have nothing to offer to the world? In my head I know better, but my heart is lagging behind and not allowing me to move forward. I feel like I must be here for some reason but this whole thing is a lot harder than I ever imagined it would be. I miss my family, my friends, my dog and I'm starting to wonder why I'm here in the first place. Why did I ever want to do this and is it worth being away from the people I love so much? I need to know that you love me, I want to do what you want for my life-whatever that is. Maybe music isn't it at all...I honestly don't know anymore. But I do know that you opened a LOT of doors for me to be here so there must be a reason in all the madness I'm feeling.
I just feel like such a failure and I don't want to be a failure. I feel like I've worked so hard in so many ways to get to this point and now I don't know what to do with it and I'm just sabotaging myself. I'm not eating right or exercising or practicing enough and I don't know why. Maybe it is that I get the feeling that what I'm doing isn't really valid as a career choice- it isn't a doctor or lawyer or teacher. I'm so afraid to open up my heart and show people what is inside....why? I want to be confident in who I am and I thought I knew who I was but now I'm not so sure. I don't like who I see staring back at me in the mirror.
I don't want to be selfish and I feel like the only person I ever think about these days is me and how hard my life is. When really tons of people would LOVE to be where I am....in the middle of my dream. I really want to have more faith- to know there is a master plan and these hard times will eventually pass. It hasn't felt like it lately, but I do know that I have a great heart. I care a lot about other people and just want to make people happy- and sometimes that can be bad because I become too attached to their praise or what they think of me. I would love to find the freedom where none of that matters.....
These years since college have been so hard for me trying to figure out who I am and where I fit in. My dreams were different than my friends and I didn't get married or fall in love and all those things have kept me wondering WHY am I so different? Why doesn't a man love me? I know his love would not be the end all be all, but to know you are desired is something I haven't really had a lot of in my life. And though I don't ever really admit it to anyone out loud I wonder if such a man exists that I could love and in turn he would love me too. It seems such a far fetched idea at this point. And, I know I'm young, but I worry about my lack of experience in this area and how it will affect my life. Clearly I have intimacy issues...how do I fix that? I have been given this one chance at my life and my dream and I'm sitting here squandering it away. I don't want to let this moment pass me by, but HOW do I change? HOW do I move past my fears of inadequacy and rejection?....
I've noticed that I run away when things get hard and I would like to turn that around and start running towards my life whether it is easy or hard. I will not be perfect, and that is OK....I just have to keep reminding myself of that. Rome wasn't built in a day and greatness isn't built over night- it is a PROCESS...a long, hard, wonderful and beautiful process."

sigh. i can't believe i actually let you all in like that, but i'm really glad that i did. i want to start being an open book because i feel like we all have so much to learn from each other. and for those of us who are "artists" of any kind know that the reason we do what we do is because we love it and we love how it connects us and communicates to others. for so long i've thought what can i possibly say that will help someone else because i don't have a clue about life more than anyone else, but now i'm realizing that it doesn't matter. people want someone they can relate to- someone who is real and struggles with the same things they do...and this is how i think i may be able to contribute to others lives- by just living mine openly and honestly and letting them know they aren't alone in their feelings/life. i think for so long i've worn a mask to cover up who i am or how i'm feeling to accommodate other people, and i see now that while in the short run it may have been okay, it has escalated into me becoming a person who has a hard time trusting people with her heart and what she really is and what she thinks. unfortunately, i think there is too much "masquerading" going on in our society today and why so many people feel disconnected from each other. for instance, how many times a day do you ask someone "how are you?" and when you ask are you hoping for a real, truthful response or are you merely asking because it's "what you do". i mean if we're being honest, how many of us want to hear that something other than "good," "fine," etc. if someone actually said something else we might actually fall over out of shock or maybe we might not even notice because we're so accustomed to hearing those one word "i'm okay" answers. i don't know, maybe i'm wrong, but this is just want i've observed in my world....people don't open up to other people because we all seem so consumed with our own lives that we don't seem to notice when other's are struggling and hurting and they certainly don't want to be a burden to us (and believe i'm talking to myself here as well). i say all of this because i just want us to all be more mindful in our relationships whether it is our family, good friends or new acquaintances and strangers... everyone deserves to be loved and heard!

well, i certainly wasn't expecting to say all that, but i'm glad i did. i like letting out what i'm feeling and even crying about it because after i've gotten it out i always feel so much better and then feel like i can move on and keep going. i know this isn't the typical upbeat and fun LA blog i do but i felt it was important to say. this has been a very hard, but good and growing time for me these last 10 weeks. i have no idea what the future holds, but i fully expect it to continue to push me to grow as a person and i am thankful for that. before i go, i would like to leave you with a couple anecdotal vignettes of fun and not so fun things we have done in LA recently so here we go:

*the never ending restaurant hunt/"Wicked"*

so, last weekend me and laura decided that we would NOT stay in and watch another project runway or america's next top model marathon! instead we decided that we would go and see "wicked" at the pantages theater in hollywood. i've heard rave reviews of the show and wanted to see it for a while as had laura so we decided now was a good a time as any. we bought fab seats via ticketmaster late in the afternoon and then decided we would dress up and go to dinner beforehand. before we left we tried to pick a place to eat by looking online but it wasn't much help so we just decided we would walk around and find something once we parked in hollywood. let me please advise you now, don't EVER just think you can find somewhere in hollywood, especially if you're 2 young women in dresses and heels. luckily, i had on wedges so it wasn't too bad for me to walk a lot, but poor laura had on regular heels...eek. after traipsing up and down hollywood blvd. and many side streets we took a flyer from a girl for a restaurant around the corner....we should have known by the name (the forbidden city) that it would not end well, but nevertheless (because we were so freakin' hungry...we hadn't had a real meal all day and it was 6:30pm) we went in and we waited....and waited...and waited for about 5-10 minutes before anyone even showed up to the hostess stand. finally a guy appeared and seated us and as we were walking through the dining room me and laura were both weirded out. the place just had the creepiest vibe. so anyway, we sat down and the first thing i notice is that there is some mystery sticky "stuff" stuck to the front of my menu and it has a hair stuck to it...it was tres nasty. then i look at my plate and it isn't clean either...ugh. as we begin to inspect the menu laura notices the "tag line" of the restaurant on the top of the menu is "eat.drink.sin." i wish i had a picture of this place or had taken video so you could really grasp how strange it was but alas i do not. just take my word for it. anyway, it got even worse because another 15 minutes after we sat down a waiter finally came and took our order and when we received our food shortly thereafter we decided we couldn't stay at this place or eat the food any longer. laura's food was cold and mine tasted lukewarm and like it had been poured out of a bag from the grocery store and reheated (it was a chinese place, but the owner nor any workers were chinese). we told the waiter our grievances and he got the manager who came over and very creepily said he was sorry and for us not to worry about the check. they didn't offer to try to fix it or anything just "i apologize" and that was all. me and laura high tailed it out that place and around the corner to a small deli where i managed to stuff down a turkey sandwich before we had to leave for the show. luckily, the show, "wicked" did not let us down. it was all kinds of amazing....great singers, actors, production, music, etc. etc. if you get a chance to see it you definitely should. for those of you who don't know anything about it i will just say that it is a twist on "the wizard of oz" where you get to see a different point of view of the story told from glenda and the wicked witch. laura told me before we saw it that i would never think of or see the movie/story the same after i saw the show and she was right, but i loved it and it reminded me why i love music/acting so much and why i want to be out here.
it was definitely inspiration and encouraging! i was also happy after it was over because me and laura got in 'n out burgers and weren't starving anymore :)

*american gladiators*
yesterday, the majority of my day was spent at sony studios in culver city. why, you may ask? was i cast in a new and upcoming movie? nope, i'm afraid not haha, but i did get the opportunity to watch a taping of "american gladiators" which is being brought back by NBC in January. as you will start to see, because of the WGA strike, for better or for worse (for worse mostly in my opinion) reality tv will be taking over your tv set next month. but i digress from that issue....the reason i got to go to the taping is because a friend of mine from high school has a sister who is one of the gladiators. my friend Zakiya (who i had not seen in almost 9 years since graduation!) lives in san fransisco and was coming up to LA to see her sister and see the taping...she knew i lived in LA now and asked if me and Laura wanted to come along. we arrived at the studio at 2:30pm and waited around for a couple hours because the taping schedule had been switched around a bit and everyone was at lunch. in the downtime we walked around a bit, met her sister Tanji (Gladiator name: Stealth) one of the producers and the actual creator of the show too. then we ended up sitting around forever while they were setting up for the next event. then finally hulk hogan and laila ali who are the hosts of the show came out and taped some promos, intros and interviews and then finally we got to watch them tape the event "hang tough". i don't think i can succinctly explain it so you will just have to watch i suppose. the episode we watched being taped was the semi-finals so it will be near the end of the season of episodes. we actually didn't even stay until the end of it...we left at 7pm because we had already been there 5 hours and hadn't had food and were starving and they weren't even close to being done. i was also ready to leave because of the row of intoxicated guys behind us who were being loud, obnoxious, sexist and rude. i could write a whole blog about that, but that is for another day! Needless to say it was interesting and fun in parts and who knows maybe you'll see a spec of me in the audience when it airs.

well, i guess i'm going to finally wrap it up. thanks to those of you who stuck around until the end :) i'm glad i finally took the time to sit down and get this stuff off my chest. i would like to leave you with the lyrics and a youtube video of my favorite song at the moment. it is a new song by john mayer called "say" (hence my blog title). he wrote it for the upcoming movie "The Bucket List" starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson...the movie looks great and i can't wait to see it. i hope you enjoy it...it certainly inspired me this week!
take care until next time....love you all!

-b

"Say" by John Mayer

Take all of your wasted honor.
Every little past frustration.
Take all of your so called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations.

Say what you need to say

Walkin' like a one man army,
Fightin' with the shadows in your head.
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead

If you could only...Say what you need to say

Have no fear for givin' in.
Have no fear for giving over.
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again.

Even if your hands are shaking,
And your faith is broken.
Even as the eyes are closin',
Do it with a heart wide open.

Say what you need to say

Say what you need to, Say what you need to...
Say what you need to say.

PS- Here is a picture of the Christmas decorations in our apartment (sorry for the crappy quality and angle- to save time i took it with my internal webcam). We put up the tree a couple weeks ago after Thanksgiving but it wasn't complete until my fabulous friends sent me a care package this past week with all kinds of amazing things that helped lift my spirits and put me in the Christmas mood. Thanks SO much to Ashley, Emily, Katherine & Dawn for everything!! I love you guys so much and will see you in 10 days! :)

bliggity, bloggity, boo! and the paparazzi too!

2007-10-15T23:44:00.001-07:00

So, I realize Halloween isn't until next week, but today for fun at the end of my keyboard accompaniment class we played "Monster Mash" so I'm in a Halloween-ish mood. I'm actually really excited to see Halloween in LA, especially in Hollywood- I've heard that it is quite an event so that should make for an interesting week next week! I don't know what our plans are yet for Halloween, but I do want to dress up as something fun. Last year I was Pam Beesly and had a blast with it (see pic collage below).

(you can make the pictures bigger by clicking on them)

Me and Laura don't have a lot of money to spend on costumes so let me see how creative you are and throw us some suggestions! pretty please, with sugar on top! :)

Well, I guess it has been a while since I blogged so let's catch up shall we. Last Monday (the 15th) Me and Laura had the great pleasure of going to see another comedy improv show at IO West! It was called "The Armando Show" and the special guest host was none other than Miss Angela Kinsey aka Angela Martin of "The Office". The show starts with a topic suggestion from the audience and then Angela tells stories from her life based on the topic. After a few anecdotes she runs off stage and the improv actors do several scenes taking bits and pieces of the stories or things indirectly related to the stories. It was absolutely hilarious and I was amazed at how quick they all are on their feet...pretty amazing I must say! It was also a treat to see Tim Meadows (come on, the freaking LADIES MAN of SNL!!) perform with the group- he had me laughing like a hyena hahaha (but who are we kidding, I ALWAYS have that kind of laugh!). Anyway, after the show Laura and I went outside to meet up with Angela. Luckily, a ton of people didn't stick around so we didn't have to wait to talk to her. Let me first just say that she is totally adorable....I just love her! A sweet, twangy southern girl like yours truly! She was SO nice and genuine and funny (duh!). I know I only spent like 5 minutes with her, but I'm a good judge of character and she is one great lady! Here is our picture with Miss Angela!

Oh, and side note- Angela lives in Sherman Oaks (where we live) and was shopping at our Target just a few days before we met her...perhaps we will bump into her and Jenna there one day!?

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful compared to Monday night. I went to school everyday, and I have really enjoyed my classes so far. I must admit that I do feel out of place a lot of times though- most of the kids at the school are 18-21 and this is their first college experience. They are still trying to figure things out, skip classes all the time and are totally bold and confident in their performances (and the last is what I am SO jealous of). I guess it's just different for me- this is my life at stake here...I quit my job, picked up and moved across the country to pursue this dream so I have a lot more riding on this at age 26 than they do at 18. But, I will say that I am glad that I'm here at this time and point in my life. I don't think I would have been ready at their age and what I have learned in my life so far has prepared me for this exact time. I just need to have more faith in that and in myself. My performances still aren't where I want them to be, but I think I'm improving and each time it gets a little easier and is more fun so that is good! This past week I stepped outside of my comfort zone and did the modern rock live performance workshop. The song we had to sing was "long way to happy" by Pink. It's not what I typically listen to but I had fun with it and really enjoyed singing with a live band. Next week I've got 3 performances for 3 different classes so you can guess what I'll be doing all weekend!!!

In other news, me and Laura went to the mall last weekend and turned in lots of job applications to work seasonal retail. So far I've got interviews at Sephora (yes! my favorite!!) and The Gap so keep your fingers crossed! I can pretty much only work friday-sunday because of my school schedule so I hope one of those works out!

Oh yes, and something else new- me and Laura have found an awesome church to go to!
It's Bel Air Presbyterian on the legendary Mulholland Drive! The view while driving up the hill and from the church is absolutely breathtaking! We went to Sunday morning service this past week and also to a young adult worship service tuesday night. Lots of cool people and things going on there- I can't wait to get involved!

And, last, but not least I teased you with the word paparazzi in the blog title and I'm sure you were wondering what that was all about so here's the story! Yesterday, I was walking to my car after school and checking my phone and saw I had missed 4 calls from Laura. I was immediately panicked and thought something must be wrong so I called her right away. I was relieved to find out that she was okay, and then she told me she was calling to let me know there had been a really bad car accident right in front of our apartment and she wanted to let me know so I could take another route home. When I arrived at the apartment the street was partially blocked off and I saw 3 mangled cars scattered across the road. Laura was standing outside with some other witnesses (Laura saw part of the accident from our porch) when I walked up and she filled me in on what happened. Apparently a drunk guy hit another car which sent his car spinning out into oncoming traffic and then into a parked car. As I stood there I noticed a few people with cameras (who weren't real paparazzi but more like struggling actors trying to make money). Apparently the driver who was the cause of the accident was the actor Gary Collins and these guys were intent on taking pictures to sell to tmz.com (hollywood gossip site). The police did arrest Mr. Collins on suspicion of DUI and carted him off to the Van Nuys jail. This morning I checked TMZ to see if the had the story and sure enough there it was. Here's the link:

CLICK HERE

This literally occurred on the street right outside our apartment. You can actually see Laura's legs in one of the photographs hahaha. Laura made the tabloids!!

And, on that note I'm going to wrap this up! I hope you all have a fabulous rest of the week and remember to give me your costume ideas and leave a comment :) As Laura says "even if you just write that was dumb and you blog too much"! haha.

Huggy Hugs,

-B

PS-Is that not the best blog title ever?! It just came to me and I laughed my butt off. well not really, but almost. ;)

back to school, back to school...and the beach!!

2007-10-13T21:38:00.000-07:00

I would like to start off this week's blog with some apropos words from a very funny movie....kudos to you if you can name the movie!

"Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back to school. Well, here goes nothing. " (hint: song is sung by adam sandler)

Sigh....this is essentially how I felt this week. It has been four and half years since I graduated from college. That may not seem like a really long time, but it feels like it was ages ago that I sat in classes and had to do "homework." Needless to say I was pretty anxious about starting school this past week, but I was also SUPER excited. I mean, seriously, you guys how many people get the chance to go to school and study what they REALLY love and what they have dreamed of doing their whole life? I wouldn't venture to guess not that many. I mean, sure, I went to college and I absolutely LOVED my college experience, but if I'm being honest with myself, I was settling for studying something that I would like to do if what I truly loved (music) wasn't an option. And also because I was afraid to venture "outside the box" of a "normal job." For the record, I do NOT at all regret attending Clemson or getting my degree. I believe with all my heart that everything happens for a reason and there is a purpose in the way things turn out. I know that I am exactly where I need to be right now and knowing that helps calm the fears and insecurities I have about this whole experience!

Alright, so here is a run down of my how week went...

On Monday I had to be at school at 8am to pick up schedule so I got up at 6am and left the apartment by 7am. I wasn't sure how crazy traffic would be on the 101 on Monday morning and I didn't want to take any chances of being late! Lucky for me traffic was not bad at all that early and I got to school at 7:30am. After waiting in the registration line for a while I picked up my schedule and realized I didn't have class until 10am that morning...awesome....2 hours to kill. You will notice below that 2 hour breaks are pretty frequent throughout my schedule....here is what it looks like:

MONDAYS:

10-10:50 Sight Singing- I think this class seems pretty self explanatory! We work on improving our sight reading skills in regard to rhythm, melodies, harmonies, etc. My teacher's name is Katie and she's a really fun and young teacher. She makes a subject that can be kind of monotonous and boring seem fun!

11am-2pm- BREAK! I pretty use this time to work on assignments for other classes and go to the vocal labs and work on songs.

2-2:50 Blues Vocals- taught by "Mama O" is a class that studies blues vocalists and their music to help singers get insight into blues singer's phrasing and emotional delivery. This is a class I am REALLY looking forward to!! It was actually cancelled last week because our instructor was out of town so I can't wait for it next week!

3-3:50 Vocal Technique- this class is an intro to the anatomy and physiology of the voice...it covers breathing and how it affects the body, mind and singing, etc. My instructor is this super cool rocker chick named Coreen (I also have her for another class). She's so much fun and I'm really looking forward to working with her!

TUESDAYS:

10-11:50 Art of Success- this hands down is going to be one of my favorite classes and not just because of the course content. The basic reason for the class (which everyone at the school has to take no matter what you are studying) is because the school wants everyone to be realistic about our goals and what we want to do in the industry. The class gives a lot of info on the music business and also shatters myths about the business. And beyond that it seeks to help us clarify our goals and what we want and how we can be successful and make a living doing what we love (music!) without necessarily being a "rockstar." Very cool. The other thing that is so awesome about this class is the instructor. His name is "Hacksaw"...well really its Brian Williams, but as he told our class there are already too many of those, most notably the news anchor hahaha. I know that my description of him will not do him justice so I'm going to post his bio from the school page and it will give you a sense of the crazy awesomeness that is Hacksaw.

"Hacksaw has been entertaining audiences since shortly after the creation of the wheel. In the summer of 1985, he thrilled his parents by moving to Los Angeles with his high school rock band instead of attending the Ivy League school to which he had been accepted (Yale!). Since that fateful decision, Hacksaw has recorded and performed with numerous aggressive ensembles in LA and across North America. He has also supplemented his income as a comedy writer, received a B.A. in Political Science from UCLA and generally avoided substantial jail time. In his free time, he likes to knit Velcro jumpsuits for his two cats: Daisy Mae & Sugar Bear. Hacksaw's latest musical project is Damn Hippie Freaks. At VIT, Hacksaw teaches the Hard Rock Live Performance Workshop, The Art of Success and Vocal Private Lessons."

I hope that gives you a slight picture of who he is...truly, he is great. He brought the class Paul Newman's lemonade on the first day and did a fun little activity having us introduce ourselves...it was hilarious. I cannot wait to see what kind of things happen in this class over the next ten weeks...oh joy!

12-2pm BREAK!

2-2:50 Harmony & Theory- just as it sounds...learning the math of music...lucky for me I've taken theory before so thus far it hasn't been too difficult! Our teacher Maurice is pretty cool too...very laid back (he's a bass player).

3-3:50 Ear Training- this class focuses on helping us identify intervals, chords, etc. just by hearing them...it is also taught by Maurice and in the same room. I spend many hours in room 240 hahaha.

4-5:50 Vocal Performance- this is my second class caught by Coreen and my 3RD class in a row in room 240....gah. Tuesdays are long days...especially in the late afternoon. This seems like it will be an awesome class though and I'm sure you can guess by the title what we work on....yep, singing. Basically we have a certain number of performances we have to do each quarter and we get up and perform them and are critiqued by Coreen. We can accompany ourselves on guitar or piano or sing with the killer karaoke machine that has over 7,000 songs on it...yeah, it's kind of amazing! This will be a challenging class, but very fun too I think!

WEDNESDAYS

10-10:50 Sight Singing again!

2 HOUR BREAK!

1-1:50 Contemporary Vocal Styles- really fun class that is basically a "history of music" type class. We're covering all the contemporary styles of music and where they came from...we start in the 1920's with the Blues which I am so amped about. In the past year or so I've really gotten into the blues and am really looking forward to learning about that era of music and everything after that has made music what it is today. I love history in general so I know I'll love this class.

2 HOUR BREAK!

4-4:50 Keyboard Accompaniment- this class is also exactly what it sounds like...we practice piano essentially and work on being able to play and sing at the same time....along with reading chord charts, etc. I took piano lessons growing up so I was able to test out of the first level class. It has been a while since I consistently practiced so I'm looking forward to getting back to it. Kids do listen to your parents when they say "you'll regret not practicing and not continuing your lessons." I thought they were crazy when I was younger and now I realize as with pretty much everything they told me...they were RIGHT...sigh. hahaha.

THURSDAYS (are special because I don't have to go in until 1pm! yay!)

1-1:50 Private Vocal Lesson- another obvious one...this is the hour of my schedule that I get one on one time with a private instructor. My instructor's name is Jami Lula and he is amazing. He attended MI 20 years ago and has had a lot of success and made a living in the business. He asked me about what I wanted to do and what my goals were to which I replied simply "I want to be a singer-songwriter". And he was like ok, but what else...I mean technically I am that now...but how do I want to put my music out there...do I want to tour? record? etc. etc. He made me think a lot about what I want to get out of this experience and how I need to really sit down and think about what I do want and then make a list of goals of how I'm going to accomplish them. He also had me sing some intervals, match pitch and sing a song a capella (without music for you non-music people). When I finished with that he asked me a really interesting question that I wasn't expecting...."Who told you that you couldn't do this?" And, by this he was referring to being a singer/musician. I told him I couldn't think of anyone who blatantly told me that, but that growing up I was always encouraged in my musical pursuits but only as a hobby, never as a career path. At that point something I totally didn't see coming happened...I broke down. I just started crying in the middle of our lesson. I apologized, but he told me not to worry about it and actually encouraged it. He told me to never lose that quality and that it would help me connect with my audience. He then went on to say that the reason he had asked me that question was because he could tell that I was holding back and that I hadn't really given myself permission to be the singer he could tell that I was. I told him he was right and that I really wanted to embrace my voice, but have been afraid. Basically, I've felt like who I am to think I'm good enough to do this? Aren't there better people out there? Maybe this should just be a hobby. These are the demons that are in my head constantly and keep me from performing how I really should. This is going to be my biggest struggle...Jami says we've got to work on letting the "whaling woman" and "inner diva" that he knows are inside of me out. I'm looking forward to letting her out too...she's been trapped inside for a while and hasn't gotten out much hahaha BUT that is going to change!
It's a new day and I'm ready to start facing these issues head on! Needless to say this was quite an emotional day! I could have used a break after that, but NO...3 straight classes after that.

2-2:50 Harmony & Theory again
3-3:50 Ear Training again

4-5:50 Creativity Workshop-this class is based on the book "The Artists Way" by Julia Cameron. Many of you have probably heard of it from Jenna Fischer as the book she used that helped her create Lollilove. Anyway, I'm SO excited about this class. It is taught by my private teacher Jami Lula and is basically a workshop designed to help increase your creativity. We do all kinds of exercises and projects designed to unblock our creativity. The class only has 10 people so its the perfect size to keep things intimate. I think I'm most looking forward to seeing how this class opens me up with journaling (we have to journal every morning) and how that impacts my songwriting/writing in general and my performances.

NO FRIDAY CLASSES!!!!! WAHOOOOOOO!! (though I will most likely be working)

In a nutshell that is how my week will go. The only class I left out is my LPW class (live playing workshop). This is different every week depending on what song you sign up to perform. We have to do 10 of these a quarter and there are 10 weeks in a quarter which works out to one a week pretty much, though you can do more if you need to. They didn't waste any time this week and we got started right off the bat. I signed up for "Coffeehouse" Tuesday night because its acoustic and you can play your own music or a cover. I played guitar and sang a cover of the Colbie Caillat song "Magic". I was super nervous, but I got through it and didn't mess up too much hahaha. It wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it was ok. I got a 93 so I can live with that. All in all it was an amazing, scary, fun, intimidating week. There is TONS of hard work ahead, but I'm SO pumped to do it. This is what I've been waiting for for a LONG time and I'm not going to slack off. I've spent a HUGE amount of money to be here and learn from these amazing instructors and my fellow students so I'm going to seize every available opportunity given to me! Which reminds me, I met soooooo many people this week from all over the country and the world. The school is truly a melting pot!! I can't wait to collaborate with them :)!!

In other news, tomorrow (Sunday) is my ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY IN LA!!!!
Can you believe it?! I can't. It seems like just yesterday I was leaving my life behind in SC and now I'm finding a home for myself in LA. Me and Laura are still getting settled in, but each day that goes by I feel like I'm finding my way more and more. And, to celebrate this me and Laura decided to give up our LAS (Lazy Ass Syndrome...my SC girls know about this!) and go do something fun! We started thinking... what to do...what to do and then lightbulb! Let's go to Manhattan Beach! I absolutely LOVE Manhattan Beach. I was able to spend a little time in the "South Bay" area during my first week in LA and fell in love with it. The scenery, landscapes, shops, restaurants and people are amazing...so, I just HAD to take Laura there. And fyi, anyone who comes to visit can expect a trip to the beach...it's my favorite part of LA so far!

So, by about 4 me and Laura had taken showers and gotten all cute and headed out the door. Our first stop was at the post office so I could pick up some mail my mom had sent me. Also, you should know that I had chosen the "Centerstage" soundtrack as our driving music for the evening- it was upbeat and dance-worthy so why not?! So me and Laura are jamming out on the 405 for about two miles glad that there is no traffic and then the strangest thing happens...a cop car comes blazing onto the interstate with its lights flashing but no sirens. I wasn't sure what was going on (I hadn't been speeding kids!) but I got over into the far right lane just in case he was going to pull me over, but NO he proceeds to sway all the way into the left lane and then back across 5 lanes to the right and then left....I think you see where I'm going with this. This continued for about 5 minutes and we had no idea what was going on. I actually thought that maybe the cop was high or someone had stolen the car and they were high. Meanwhile a line of traffic is piling up behind us. Here are some video clips Laura was smart enough to take that will explain what happened next...

Crazy Cop #1 (a short clip of what went on for 5 minutes)

Thank you, kind sir for removing the dangerous plywood from the road!

Yes....all of that to pick up 2 pieces of PLYWOOD from the road...geez.

After that we ran into some typical LA traffic which was welcome after that incident.
Then we finally arrived at Manhattan Beach! It put me in such a great mood....beautiful sites everywhere I turned. First, we hit up the pier...we barely made it there because of the steep hills we had to walk down to get down to the beach. Note to you ladies- heels & beach hills do not mix!! Here are some cute pictures me and Laura took on the pier....tres jolie!!!

View from the Pier...I want to live in one of those houses!!

Almost Sunset!

The pier at Manhattan Beach

Oops....the zoom was on.

There, that's better!! Laura & Me on the pier!

After walking around the pier for a bit we used my handy dandy iphone to find a fun seafood restaurant. We found this great place called Rock Fish and had a yummy seafood dinner. I got macadamia nut encrusted mahi mahi will grilled veggies and sweet potato fries and my favorite beverage a classic cosmopolitan. It was fabulous. Laura and I also had a very interesting conversation about independent women, careers, and relationships. It just seems to us from the world's angle it has to be our independence & dreams or a relationship...we can't have our cake and eat it too. Well, I say phooey to that. I believe you can have both and if me moving out here means I have to wait longer for it to happen then fine. I wouldn't want to be with anyone who didn't support me anyway. So, until that time where a relationship does fit into my life I'm perfectly content to keep chugging along solo. Though I am trying not to be so "tough" and remove the proverbial "F-you" sign on my forehead so to speak. I want to be more open and accessible and not worry about getting hurt so much...if I do that I may get surprised by something amazing one day (*fingers crossed*). Scratch that...I KNOW I will be surprised by it one day...can't wait!

Well, me and Laura must have retired the "signs" somewhat because when we left the restaurant and were walking to Starbucks we got stopped by this 40ish year old intoxicated guy who needed directions somewhere. When we informed him we wouldn't help because we lived in the valley he wasn't too thrilled. Laura told him to walk inside and ask a hostess to which he replied "but I wanted to find out from the pretty girls." Too bad dude, we don't know! We told him again we had no clue and he began to stumble down the hill towards the pier. Me and Laura had a good laugh and continued to the car....we dropped off our leftovers and circled the block before pulling into a space in front of Starbucks. We got out and I fed the meter and started walking inside when we hear "hey! hey girls can we get a picture with you?" to which Laura and I turn around....there are 2 guys sitting on a bench in front of Starbucks.

guy: Hey! Can I get a picture with you girls?
Laura:........WHY?.........(wondering what in the world was going on)
guy: Because I think y'all are pretty.
Laura: turns to me "Brandi, should we take a picture with him?'
Me: chuckles..."why the hell not?"

Here is our picture with the Starbucks guy, which funny enough WE have it and not HIM. As we walked inside he yelled out "let me know if it's cute". hahaha. good times.

After we grabbed some coffee we walked around downtown a bit and then headed back to Sherman Oaks. We rocked out to some Kelly Clarkson and there wasn't a stitch of traffic on the 405 and before ya know it we're back in Sherman Oaks at the apartment jumping into our pjs, watching tv and writing blogs. An excellent night with loads of fun.

Tomorrow I've got to get some school work done and do laundry...fun stuff. BUT on Monday night me and Laura are going back to IO West for a comedy show called "The Armando Show".
It always features a special guest as the host and this week it is Angela Kinsey aka Angela Martin of "The Office". I'm so excited to see her and get a chance to meet her! You can count on another blog after that!

Ok, kiddies I'm off to bed! Hope you all had amazing week/weekend. Thanks for reading...I know it was a long one tonight! (TWSS!) hahaha I couldn't resist!
Take care :)

xoxo,
Brandi

What a weekend in Hollywood should be...

2007-10-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

Happy Sunday everyone! It's about 11:30am here on the West Coast, what are you guys up to?! Before I start with the details of this weekend, I would just like to say that I agreed with Michael Scott of The Office on two counts this past week....first, gift baskets are amazing, people...they are the essence of class and fanciness. also, computers ARE about trying to murder you in a lake. Sally (my GPS) has not tried to send me and Laura into a lake, but she has suggested some things just as crazy so beware if you decide to invest in one hahaha. And, now onto our feature presentation...

So, Friday afternoon after me and Laura had been laying around like bums all day we decided that we wanted to see a movie and decided on "The Jane Austen Book Club" (you liked that segue didn't you?! hahaha). It was a precious movie...full of interesting and flawed characters and real life situations. I won't give anything away in case some of you want to see it, but I will give you my favorite quote from the movie...."He looked at me like he was the spoon and I was the bowl of ice cream." hahaha love it. After the movies we returned to the apartment, ate left over pizza and just hung out and watched Friday Night Lights...it was great.

On Saturday I had planned on running errands, doing laundry and getting ready for school on Monday since Laura was going to be going to Disneyland with Jenn & Travis. However, when I woke up I found Laura still at the apartment and was confused...only to find out that her car was broken and she couldn't drive to Disney :( Then Jenn called her back and said that I was more than welcome to come along and they would take care of it! Sooo sweet! I hurried and jumped in the shower and an hour later we were on our way to Disney! After dumb LA traffic we finally arrived at Disney about 1pm. While we were parking Jenn called to let us know it was "Gay Day" at Disney...fabulous. I loved walking around and seeing the sea of red shirts!
It was also my first time at Disneyland...I have been to Disneyworld countless times and it was fun to revert back to my childhood and go on all the rides that I hadn't been on in 15-20 years hahaha. Wow...am I showing my age, or what?! I also met Laura's friends Jenn and Travis! They were so sweet and funny! I had a blast hanging out with them and hope we get to hang out again! Here are some pictures from our incredibly fun day in the "most magical place on earth."

Laura, Me & Jenn getting ready to go on Thunder Mountain!!

Me & Laura on The Matterhorn

The scenery in The Matterhorn as we float along in our log on the water...

Gay Day!

Jenn & Travis holding on as we round a curve!

May the force be with you, Laura!

Jenn & Laura working out some of their issues

Me, Laura & Jenn at the "Kodak Picture Spot"
(either Disney is on crack or you must have a Kodak camera for the spot to work hahaha)

As you can see it was a really fun day, but at 6 we had to say bye to Jenn & Travis because me and Laura had tickets to see The Lampshades at IO West in Hollywood. For those of you who don't know The Lampshades is comedy show about a out of date lounge act starring Kate Flannery (aka Meredith Palmer of The Office) and Scot Robinson (Anchorman). But before I say anymore about that, I would just like to say that traffic in LA in absolutely insane. Until yesterday I had been in a few traffic jams, but nothing that had really frustrated me or tested my patience. I knew the day would come when there would be a horrific traffic jam and I would get flustered, and yesterday coming back into LA was that day. By the time we got to the car and left Anaheim it was probably 6:15pm....we should have been back into LA by 7 or 7:15 with a little traffic, but no it was a few minutes after 8 when we parked the car in Hollywood. I could deal with the traffic if I saw a reason for the delay, but there was NO road construction or accidents...all I can figure is that there are sooo many people in this one area and on Saturday night they all want to go to the same place! When the traffic began to break a little near Hollywood Blvd. I literally yelled out "hot damn...we're approaching 50mph." hahaha it was great. I was so worried we would miss the show and I really wanted to see it and hopefully get to meet one of my favorite characters from "The Office." Luckily, we made it (they were running late too) and were able to see the absolute hilarious show! The songs they sing and their arrangements are great....two of my favorites were 2001: A Space Odyssey and the combo of Mandy by Barry Manilow and Brandy, you're a fine girl by Looking Glass...uh-mazing. After the show me and Laura hung around the bar a bit drinking beers and people watching. And wouldn't you know it that I look to my right and I see little Andy Dick and I turn to the left and here comes Neil Flynn (the janitor on Scrubs). I really wanted to talk to Neil, but he was in the next show and was going into the club so I just settled for the fact that I saw him! Later on me and Laura were standing right next to Andy Dick and his son while they talked to a crowd of people...it was really funny- he's quite intense and just how I thought he would be hahaha. Finally, after Kate had talked to like a million people Laura went over and said hello (she had met her before). I quickly grabbed my beer from the bar and joined Laura! Let me just say, Kate Flannery is SO nice and beautiful! When I told her my name she was like "oh my gosh, a real Brandi, like the song!". I was like yeah!!..actually I was named after that song."hahaha. she LOVED that. We chatted for a few more minutes about us moving out here, the show, etc. and then she had to get going, but not before she gave us free cds of the music from her show! wahooo :)!! Here are some more pictures...

Laura, Kate Flannery & Me after The Lampshades at IO West in Hollywood

Improve Olympic (IO West) Hollywood, CA

Laura at the star that is sure to be hers one day!

Now, you might think that after this we would be tired and like ok, lets go home! this night could like not get any better!! (did you catch my valley girl speak?! hahaha) But no, after we got the car out of the parking lot and turned up the radio (I rapped to Snoop Dogg much to Laura's amusement B-Roe was in da house!) and headed to Hollywood & Highland to eat at Mel's Celebrity Diner. We got some good food, continued our giddy laughter at each other's jokes and called and left some messages and texts to friends in our tipsy stupor....it was great. And then all of a sudden we were very tired and decided to head home. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out and dreaming about the wonderful day we had hahaha.

Well, that is all for this week kids! Tune in next week to see what adventures we're up to next! I start school on Monday so I'm sure I'll have something interesting to report soon enough!
Have a relaxing, fantastic Sunday!! :)

Until next time, B-Roe out......hahahaha

a day of productivity!

2007-10-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! So, I don't have anything really exciting to report...no new celebrity meetings or anything like that, BUT I was pretty productive today and finished unpacking all my stuff and setting up my room! We still need more furniture, but things are coming together and I'm starting to feel like I actually live here so that is good! It's actually kind of strange to not feel like you have a "home". I mean, obviously Columbia, SC will always be my home, but right now (strangely enough) I can't imagine going back there to live. I've taken such a huge leap by moving out here and I'm ready to test the waters and see what comes of it. And while I'm waiting I feel sort of displaced, but I think once school starts next week and then I know my schedule and am able to get a job, things will fall into place. Speaking of school, I have orientation tomorrow at noon in Hollywood so that should be fun. I anticipate sitting for about 2 hours to listen to rules and regulations that I no doubt heard when I first when to college in 1999...wow, where has the time gone? hahaha. Actually, so much of this move has reminded me of going to college...new apartment, roommate, living away from home, new friends, etc. And, I am looking forward to meeting new people, and musicians at that- it is always encouraging and inspiring to be around people who share your dreams and aspirations. I'm nervous too...not for tomorrow, but for next week when classes start. I guess I'll have to revert back to a pre-school state of mind and constantly recite to myself "I think I can, I think I can" hahaha. Well, I guess I'm going to head to bed and hopefully have sweet dreams including my dog...the past few days I've been really bummed not having her around, and there have been endless dog commercials and segments on talk shows, not to mention hearing them and seeing them around town that has made me sad.
I can't wait to get settled in so I can get Sadie out here!!! But, I will leave you on a happy note by giving a shout out to my wonderful Dad who turned 54 today! Happy Birthday Dad! I love you:)
Here are some pictures of the progress at the apartment so far....

View from our porch (our apt. is upstairs)

dining area in the kitchen...still empty....need table and chairs asap!

Our kitchen- do you notice anything new?!?! like a REFRIGERATOR and FOOD :) whoohooo!!!

Den going into the hall

the den that has a couch/futon, area rug, light, tv WITH CABLE, and curtains! yay!!

Laura in the den on the computer...chillin in her comfy rocker...we used these until we got the couch, but are still partial to them i must say :)

Bathroom!

another angle on our vintage 1950s bathroom hahaha (do you see that tile?!)

My new desk a la Target special $59.99...and YES me and Laura are awesome and put it together ourselves AND dragged it up our stairs to do so!

My bed...I love it!!

One side of the closet...am I organized or what?!

Other side of the closet.....ahhh shoes, I wish I could have brought more of you!!

guitars! that I am NOT allowed to play according to the landlord hahaha...only at school...right, I'm sure I'll follow that rule :)

Office corner of the room...all my cds are still in that blue tub! i REALLY need to get a cd tower!
Oh, and I bought that little teal table at Target and it was super cheap, however they didn't indicate on the box that it was like a miniature version of a table for like a 2 year old...don't buy one guys unless you like sitting on the floor! hahahaha

Alrighty, that about wraps it up! Hope you all have an absolutely fabulous day tomorrow and remember to SMILE :)!

Goodnight!

xoxo,

Brandi

LA & Wal-mart you have been good to me...

2007-10-01T00:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, let me start by saying that after hearing some moans and groans from myspacers having to check a non-myspace blog I have given in and decided to do what Laura is doing and post identical blogs both on myspace and my blogspot address Chasing Daylight hopefully this will help you all out :) and, now onto a week in review....or at a least a few stories that i still remember from the week...i've got to stop waiting so long in between blogs so I don't forget stuff....if you want a better review of the week check Laura's blog :) blog.myspace.com/theportraitofalady

I would like to start off by offering a piece of advice....if you ever move to LA never, EVER go anywhere when you look like crap and are wearing no make-up. If you do you are just setting yourself up to meet a hot celebrity in the strangest of places, like say the Wal-Mart in Woodland Hills....that is what happened to me and Laura. All week long we've been running back and forth between Target, Wal-Mart and various other places like that getting stuff to furnish our apartment. On Friday afternoon we left the apartment around 4 (dressed in jeans, tees and hoodies with very little make up on) and went to eat an early dinner at Chili's (yes!) and then headed to Wal-Mart to get copies of our apartment keys made and buy an area rug, curtains, etc. etc. When we pulled in the parking lot we noticed that they were or had been filming something, but we could figure out what it was so we just parked and started shopping. After an hour and a half of cleaning out Wal-Mart we were headed out the door with our cart when we stopped for a second so I could fish my keys out of my purse. As we were standing there Laura said "Brandi, there's Chuck!" I froze and what?! (I thought she had said John...as in JKras and almost had a heart attack hahaha)...then Laura said "No! Chuck from the show Chuck! who we saw on Leno last night!" I turned around and there he was sure enough heading inside the store. Naturally we wanted to talked to him and we noticed when he walked inside he went and got immediately in line (to buy cigarettes-boo...don't smoke kids!) so we thought why not wait until he comes out and we can talk to him and that is exactly what we did! And let me just say, Zach Levi (who plays Chuck) is SO nice and completely adorable. I know he isn't a huge star yet (give it time), but it was refreshing to meet such a down to earth actor who actually wanted to interact with us and asked US questions about ourselves. He even made a joke about South Cackalacky (his dad lives in NC)...I loved it. After about 5 minutes of chatting I asked him if he minded taking a picture with us which of course he didn't hahaha. He is super tall so he stood in the middle of Laura and I to take it...it was lovely. Here it is!

Laura, Zach (aka Chuck), and Me outside Wal-mart...if you look you can see he's still in costume-white shirt and tie haha
So, yeah our friday night was complete. We went home utterly and completely happy even though we had spent an ungodly amount of money trying to get our apartment together. We were also overjoyed because that day the guy from the gas company came and turned on our heat, stove and hot water....thank you, God- a HOT shower....I had almost forgot what one was like hahaha.

Saturday was pretty eventful too!! The first part of the day we just lounged around the apartment, went to eat at Subway and made another Target run, but then they delivered our REFRIGERATOR and COUCH.....YES!!!!!! You probably think I'm crazy right now, but you try living without either and we'll see how your mood is hahaha. The fact that we can actually buy groceries now is so great- no more eating out and spending at least $15 a meal...I will save so much money so yay! And since we have a couch now my back won't break in two anymore from sitting on the uber-uncomfortable hardwood floors....things are coming together and it actually looks like we live here now and that makes me really happy because I love structure and routines and the quicker I can get back into one the better!

Speaking of routines, I could get used to running into Zach Levi. For the second time in one weekend I did...did I mention I love LA? So, here is how it happened....Dan invited me and Laura to an indie film premiere for the movie 'Shades of Ray'. Zach happens to be the star of this film.
I must say, I really enjoyed the film. I had no idea what to expect and I was pleasantly surprised. The fact that I just got to go to a private screening of a film in Beverly Hills and just chat with industry folks was good enough for me. I don't know when the film will be released or how wide it will be, but if you get the chance to see it you should! The cast is amazing...check out the imdb page here http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0886531/. Anyway, back to the story....after the movie the writer/director (who is only 27, by the way, and this is his first film...I'm feeling unaccomplished all of a sudden hahaha) invited anyone who wanted to go to a bar with the cast and crew and so we went, of course! Dan had worked with some of the crew on another project so we met up with them at this cute little bar on 3rd Street in Hollywood. We drank great beer (La Fischer Blonde), ate fish and chips, and chatted with some of the crew...good times. We had also seen Zach come in and out a few times (we were sitting at a table outside) and me and Laura agreed that we had to talk to him again. A little while later we got our chance when Dan's friend Mike took Dan over to talk to him. Dan said he would bring Zach over after he met him so me and Laura are just sitting there, drinking beer and soaking in the scenery when all of a sudden we hear "You ARE the girls from Wal-Mart!!!!" hahahaha it was great. Zach starts walking over and was like "I thought that was you guys!!". Once again, he was SO nice and talked to us for a bit....what a small world, seriously!! And, I have to be a nerd and gush for a second to say that he told us that he was so glad that we stopped him the other night and when he went back to set (they were still filming in the parking lot) he told a bunch of people about meeting us and how it made him happy that we're going to start watching the show and stuff...he was just adorable. And, since we were there again and actually dressed cute with our hair and make-up done we got yet ANOTHER picture with him! Oh, what a night....I had an absolute blast...thanks again Dan!!!

Me, Zach & Laura at the bar on 3rd St.

Dan & Zach!

Well, I had planned on writing a lot more of the little details and funny stories of the week, but I am feeling forgetful at the moment. I'm going to do better in the future though....I'll blog every couple of days so I don't forget stuff! Now, I'm off to return some emails and mail out resumes!
I need a job ASAP!! Hope you all have a wonderful Monday and I'll be checking in again soon!
Here are a few random pics from this past week...

Our first night with no beds, hence our tibetan looking bed on floor...I don't recommend it unless you want severe back pain the next morning!

our den after a little bit of decorating

Laura eating chips and drinking a much needed margarita at El Torito!

all of our crap in the den before we cleaned it up and unpacked

Laura writing her first LA blog by touchlight hahaha

Here's to my 2 week anniversary in LA...just the start of an amazing journey...sigh, I can't wait!!!

PS-WATCH CHUCK!!! Me and Laura checked it out last night when they re-aired it and Zach is great- really funny stuff!! It is on tomorrow night on NBC so watch it!!!!! And no it isn't just because he was nice to us and is gorgeous...ok, so maybe that is part of it haha, but seriously the guy has skills so watch CHUCK!

PSS-Check out the song "West Coast" on my profile by Coconut Records (Jason Schwartzman's band)...it is seriously addictive and me and Laura have claimed it as our official LA song :)

Driving across country & my first week in LA...

2007-09-22T22:18:00.000-07:00

Hey guys and gals!! I hope this finds you all well. Its about 10:30pm Saturday night and this is my first official post from LA!! I've been in town a week tomorrow and it has proved to be quite eventful already. But first things first....I need to start at the beginning with my road trip across the country....buckle up and come along :)

So, last Friday the 14th me and my mom (with help from my dad) packed up my car and headed for the west coast. We had planned on leaving about noon, but my mom's meeting ran late so it was about 1:30-2ish before we finally got on the road. After a tearful goodbye with my Dad and my dog I pulled myself together and started to back down the driveway, but before I could pull out my mom stopped me and insisted we take a picture...here it is....yes, like I said, I had been crying.

Day 1:
Ok, so off we went with a goal of driving about 10 hours. We hadn't decided on where to stop or booked a hotel because we weren't sure how we would be feeling or when we would want to stop. The first part of the drive was pretty boring to me because it is one that I've made quite a bit. I-20 towards Atlanta has got to be one of the most boring stretches of freeway I know.
That wouldn't have been bad except that after about and hour and a half of driving there was a torrential downpour that continued for the next two hours tapering on and off as we got into Atlanta. And, because of our late departure time we got caught smack in the middle of Friday Atlanta traffic...oh joy! Luckily, the patience fairy had sprinkled her dust on me that day and I didn't get too annoyed or stressed out about it hahaha. Not long after clearing Atlanta traffic we stopped at Cracker Barrel for dinner and got recharged for more driving. At that point my mom got in the drivers seat and I pulled out my trusty macbook and starting watching my season 3 The Office dvds. It was a wonderful distraction for a couple hours and made the time go by very quickly! I also put my new iphone to use and surfed the net for a bit and even chatted on IM with a couple friends...not too shabby! My mom said she wasn't tired and kept driving until about midnight when we decided to call it a day in Jackson, MS. We used our handy GPS to find a hotel and were soon tucked warmly under the covers at the Holiday Inn Express!

Day 2:
Saturday morning we woke up about 8:30 and got ready and went to eat breakfast. We talked to the hotel manager when checking out and he told us we should be able to make it to El Paso that day. I looked it up on the GPS and it said 1,038 miles and about 15 hours....I chuckled to myself thinking surely we wouldn't, but nevertheless we would try! After grabbing a Starbucks we were back on the road headed toward Louisiana! I drove first again and enjoyed the scenery a lot more on this stretch of road. We were still on I-20 but it was an area I had never driven on before so that at least made it more interesting, as did the extremely bumpy ride provided courtesy crappy roads. Here are few pictures from MS & LA...

leaving the hotel!

Mississippi River

I thought we were far away from Columbia?! hmmm....

Oh, I-20....someone needs to repair you!

So, I continued driving for a few hours until it was time to stop and get gas. Then my mom took over and we drove thru what-a-burger and got something to eat...yum. Shortly after she took over we crossed into Texas. I knew Texas would be our final destination for the day, but we had to trek all the way across it first. After hours upon hours of driving and stopping to get gas we got through Dallas and Abilene and decided to stop for dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Sweetwater. We didn't stay long before we were back on the road....it was about 8pm and we were still a long way from El Paso, but my mom said she was wide awake and ready to keep going so we went on. About 1am we pulled into El Paso and got a hotel for the night...I was surprised we made....over 15 hours in the car that day, but it was great news because it meant we could sleep in a little and that it would only be 10 more hours until LA!

Day 3 (the final haul):
The trip was going by much faster than I thought it would. I mean obviously I had been in a car for 2 full days already, but I was having a great time with my mom and getting to see lots of places I had never seen before. El Paso (and Texas for that matter) was totally new to me as was New Mexico! I've been to Arizona before (Grand Canyon) and California (LA, of course) but driving across it is totally different! I saw some of the most amazing scenery I've ever seen on our last day of driving. It was by far my favorite day of our trip!! For hours and hours I got to stare at beautiful mountains on either side of me and we even got caught in a storm and had to pull over for a few minutes! It was pretty crazy but made the trip more interesting for sure!
By mid-afternoon we had reached Phoenix and started seeing signs for LA! I was thrilled and could hardly believe that we were that close! Around 6 we crossed the California border and stopped to eat dinner...we would have kept going but the sun was brutal! I don't recommend driving into the west at sunset-YIKES! The last stretch of the trip was probably my least favorite because it just seemed to drag on FOREVER. I think the fact that we were 3 hours from LA and the time changes were starting to catch up with us were not a good combination. I was driving and I kept thinking in just 30 minutes we'll be there and then it was another hour before we hit the outskirts of the city. And in true LA fashion there was even freaking traffic on I-10 at 10:30 at night. We finally made it to a hotel about 11:30 and called it a night. I went to bed still kind of shocked that I was actually here and with my car and with all my stuff....surreal to say the least! Here are some pictures from the last day of driving...

El Paso

Welcome to New Mexico!

crazy storm!

Since arriving in LA things have been up and down with either lots to do or lots of sitting around and waiting on someone else to call me back, etc. Me and my mom went apartment hunting on Monday with no luck, but then had an awesome dinner at a cute little Italian restaurant in Hermose Beach with my friend Erin. Erin is a friend of a friend who is also from SC and has lived in LA for almost 2 years. She has graciously let me stay with her at her apartment in Redondo Beach this week and has been an absolute lifesaver!!!

Tuesday morning me and my mom got up at the crack of dawn to brave LA traffic to go look at an apartment in Sherman Oaks. The manager had called the night before when we were at dinner and said we could come see it at 8:30 the next morning. Monday morning traffic in LA is insane to say the least, but I was glad to get some practice at it hahaha. So, we arrive at the place and it is actually OK and SAFE....thank God! I take an application from the lady and promise to return it to her asap! She said she would be there the next day so I could bring it then- perfect! OMG, I still can't believe I'm paying $1400 in rent for a small 2 bedroom apartment HA! Anyway, after that we headed back to the hotel and checked out so I could take my mom to the airport. I was really sad to see her go- she has helped me soooooo much and I owe her a ton. I couldn't believe I was actually going to be in LA alone...it set it in and I was excited, scared, sad and nervous all at the same time. We had a tearful goodbye and a long hug and then she was off! I spent the rest of the afternoon at a Starbucks working on the apartment application and then went to Hollywood for a late lunch. I sat outside at California Pizza Kitchen at Hollywood and Highland and just kind of took everything in. I couldn't believe I was sitting there staring at the Hollywood sign...I was finally here and it felt great...I was at peace. I made a few phone calls to friends back east to let them know I had arrived safely and then headed back to Redondo Beach to meet Erin at her apartment.
The apartment is where I've been most of the week except when I've been meeting the apartment manager in Sherman Oaks. I love both of the areas and wish the beach wasn't so far from where I'm going to be living! Oh well, that is what the car is for, right?! :) I especially can't wait to go back to Manhattan Beach...that town is so amazing and beautiful....I just fell in love.
So many cute restaurants and shops and of course VERY expensive which as we know is just my taste hahaha!!

Well, I know there has been more that has gone on this week, but honestly I'm exhausted and I've got to get some sleep. I've been waiting on the apartment manager to call me back all day to let me know if our credit checks/applications were okay and she never did. We're supposed to meet tomorrow morning to sign the lease if all is well so say a prayer for that! I'm picking Laura up at the airport at 12:30 tomorrow and am SO excited to see her!!! This will all be much easier with my fellow red-headed partner in crime!! We've got to go buy beds or an air mattress so we will even have somewhere to sleep IF we get in the apartment tomorrow....man, this is crazy, but I'm having a blast and I'm sure it will all work out in time!
I'm quickly adapting to the laid back, patient nature of these Californians!

Ok, I'm off to bed! Sorry for such a long post, but there was a lot to cover! If you want to see a full slideshow of all the pictures I took since I left SC and while here then check out my myspace page www.myspace.com/brandiroe . Until next time......take care & enjoy your Sunday!! I'll leave you with this picture of Redondo Beach...

xoxo,
Brandi

a week of firsts, lasts, and lots of goodbyes...

2007-09-13T20:00:00.001-07:00

Whew...that is how I feel right now. It is about 11pm on Thursday night and I think I finally have everything ready for my move tomorrow. Me and my Dad just finished packing my car about 30 minutes ago and to my surprise I actually had a little space left over, which is great because my mom needs a place for her suitcase! I also have a few odds and ends to add tomorrow, but they are all small so no worries there!

I must admit, I always wondered if I would see this day actually come. I started thinking about moving to LA last November when I went to a music convention out there. After a few more months of thinking and not being happy where I was in my life I decided I needed a change and started to think about what that change would be. After a lot of thoughtful consideration I decided in March that I wanted to move to LA and attend Musicians Institute that coming fall. It has been about six months since I made that decision and it has gone by incredibly fast. Much like this week the past few months have been an emotional roller coaster...I've been incredibly excited and then doubtful and fearful, but I'm happy to say that I have learned to take things one day at a time and I've made it to the first step- the move!

With that in mind I thought I would share some pictures that would better give you guys an idea of what my week of packing has looked like! It was quite a task to figure out how to pack my life up in the back of my car hahaha!

My room in the middle of organizing/packing last Saturday...
BEFORE

This is my room AFTER packing up almost everything...

I also spent a lot of time at work this week wrapping up things and packing up things. It was my last time to pay bills, do payroll, do billing, etc. etc. As I filed through 4 years worth of stuff in my desk, I was actually a little bit sad. Even though "office" work is not fulfilling to me and not what I want to do forever, my job was really special because I got to work with my parents and help build our company. I was also given a lot of responsibility and over the years have learned so much about the business world and how to run business. This may not have been my dream job, but the knowledge and experience I gained while employed there will definitely serve me well the rest of my life. I have no doubt about that. I was also sad because I truly love the women I work with in my office- they are so sweet and encouraging to me and I'm going to miss their smiling faces everyday! Like most things this week- leaving was bittersweet.
Here are a few final pictures I took of my office this week...

Another goodbye I had to say today was to my personal trainer, Pam. I started working with her in May and have had a wonderful time working with her and getting to know her. I've had trainers before, but never like this. Not only is she amazing at what she does and explains it all to you fitness/nutrition wise, but she is just a very caring person who was always interested in me and my life. She helped me reach so many goals in such a short time, and I am truly grateful for her. She is one in a million and I hope one day I get the chance to work with her again!
We couldn't help getting sad and crying today when I had to leave. I am used to seeing her 3 times a week so it is going to be quite an adjustment without her. Thanks for everything Pam :)

Of course the saddest part of leaving is saying goodbye to family and friends...and if you're me, your dog! I cannot tell you how many times in the past few days I have just started crying when I think about having to leave her. It is supposed to only be for 2 months until I get settled and into an apartment, but it is still really hard. If you're not a dog person it may be hard to understand, but Sadie (my weimaraner) is my heart and has been a source of unconditional love to me for 2 years. I've never been away from her for more than a week so this is going to be quite a challenge. I know my parents will take good care of her for me, but I'm going to miss her greeting me at the door and cuddling with me at night. They say dogs can sense change and she has definitely known something was up this week with all the packing going on. She has stuck to me like glue, which makes it even harder to leave her. Just look at her laying here as if to say
"please don't go, mom"

I won't lie, I'm crying as I write this..........ok, I'm good...moving on...

I also had dinner with my family tonight for one last time before I leave....my mom, dad, sister and her husband all came. It was fun as it always is when the 5 of us get together. They have all been incredibly supportive of me and my dreams and I cannot thank them for that enough.
My mom, in particular has sacrificed so much for whether it be time or money and I am so thankful that she will be making this trip with me. I absolutely could not do this without her!!

One last goodbye I will be saying is to my home on the lake...it is so peaceful here and I LOVE it.
I'm going to miss the sunsets, sitting on the dock with a good book and riding on the boat and much much more. Here are a couple pics from my backyard...

I thought I would end this blog with my firsts for the week which I think are probably pretty obvious! This will be the first time I have DRIVEN across the entire country and that I have lived in California! We are planning to leave tomorrow at lunchtime and drive about 11-12 hours to Little Rock, Arkansas. The next day we plan to drive about 10 hours and get into New Mexico (I can't remember the name of the town) and then Sunday we plan to drive another 11-12 and get to Arizona. This will leave us with a few hours left to go Monday to get to LA.
We're hoping to be there by lunchtime on Monday as long as there isn't a major traffic jam and the car stays in one piece (crosses fingers!). I got an oil change today though and had the car cleaned up so I think we'll be good to go!

Well, I guess that is about it...sorry for such a long blog, but as you can probably tell I'm a little scatterbrained from a crazy week!! I'm really excited to leave tomorrow and start this new journey and chapter of my life! I'll be sure to keep you all updated along the way!
Have a great weekend and I'll see you again when I'm on the left coast :)

xoxo,

brandi

PS- I have updated my blog settings so that everyone can comment on my blogs and not just registered users! comment away :)

First Blog!

2007-09-05T23:09:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! It's about 11pm on Wednesday night and I finally got around to setting up my new blog. Many of you asked me to start one to keep you up to date with everything going on in LA so this is it. It's not much now, but hopefully I'll get around to working on it some more soon! Just wanted to let you all know that it was here and I will be adding stuff from here on out. The latest update I have for is that I'll be leaving for LA next Friday the 14th! I thought I was going to have another week, but some things came up with my Mom's schedule and if I want to have a riding partner for 2,400 miles then I'm going when she can! According to google maps it will take us 35 hours to get there so we're shooting for driving it in 3 days. In a way I'm looking forward to the drive because I'll get to see all the different and uniquely beautiful landscapes of our country, but on the other hand it is 3 straight days in a car hahaha.

In other news this is my last full week of work and it has been insane. I'm planning on working some next week, but between packing and getting ready to leave I know I won't be able to be there 8-5 everday. My Dad and our office manager, Angie are in Chicago right now for training so it's just me and our new receptionist, Genie the rest of this week. Let me tell you- trying to "finish" your job of over 4 years and wrap things up while trying to train and help a new employee with her tasks is no easy thing! It is clear that I'm going to need a ton of patience this week! But on the bright side- only 2 more days this week!
It is so weird to think I won't be going back there after next week...I don't think it will hit me until we're driving across the country! Ahh, so exciting!

To wrap things up I must let everyone know that I purchased an iphone tonight! I'm really excited about it because it just looks amazing, but BONUS they dropped the prices big time (thanks for the tip, Aldo!). It was $399 for the 8GB! As Kevin would say "niiiice". It should be arriving in the next few days and I can't wait to play around with it!

Alright guys, I guess that is it for this evening. I'm going to turn in! I hope everyone is doing great and enjoying their short work/school week!! Take care!

xoxo,

Brandi